What are the hobbies or activities that you enjoy doing as a couple? (Week 4)
People are often enamored with my Super Bowl ring. But it’s my wedding ring that I’m most proud of. And having a good marriage takes even more work than winning a Super Bowl. –Trent Dilfer, Former NFL Quarterback
What are the hobbies or activities that you enjoy doing as a couple? What other things would you like to do together?
My wife, Lora, spoke some of the most incredible words to me this past Saturday that I’ve ever heard in our 22 years of marriage. Let me set the scene: It was another rainy day in middle Tennessee, sometime around 3:00pm in the afternoon. The television had been on since 9:00am–after all, that’s when College Game Day starts! In my humble opinion, fall Saturdays were created for the purpose of watching college football (that is, when you’re not actually at a game!).
Enter Lora. She had been out for most of the morning and came home to find me in pretty much the same place I had been when she left—in front of the TV watching football flanked by two of my sons. It was at that moment that she spoke these amazing words, “I like having football games on the television. It’s fun to see you guys watching the game.” WOW! What a moment. Never such intimacy and connection between a man and a woman. I mean, she was speaking my love language in a profound way. I thought to myself, “I think we’ve finally found a hobby! I’ll watch college football with our sons, and Lora can watch us watching it!”
That’s not exactly how hobbies work. However, developing shared hobbies can really be an asset for any marriage. When we discover something that we enjoy together, that activity can provide a unique place for connection, fun, and memory building.
When you think of a hobby, it doesn’t have to require a great amount of money. It could be anything: walking, biking, hiking, cooking, gardening, dancing, golf, tennis, bowling, traveling, eating out, playing games, watching football (whoops). The list is limitless. The key is to find something that you both enjoy and then take the time to do it together.
Marriage certainly has a lot of hard work moments in it—rightly so. But there also can be a lot of fun and playful moments when you discover and enjoy a hobby with each other.
The Book of Ecclesiastes is filled with wisdom about the folly and brevity of this life. Time and time again, Solomon says that this life is fleeting and so much of what we do is vain and unimportant. And yet, in the middle of Chapter 9, Solomon encourages us to enjoy life with the one you love. As you’re thinking about ways to enjoy time with each other this week, read Solomon’s words of encouragement in Ecclesiastes 9:7-9 in a few different translations. And then, look for ways to enjoy life together.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
“Ghouls at Grassmere” at the Nashville Zoo
Tonight and tomorrow are the last 2 days for “Ghouls at Grassmere” 2009. Don’t miss out on the family fun! Here are the details:
Ghouls at Grassmere: Family-Friendly Halloween Event
October 16-18, 23-25 & 29-30 (NOT open Halloween night)
5 – 9 p.m. each evening
Day of Tickets at the Gate (tickets bought after 3 p.m.)
Members…$5
Non-members…$9
Children Under 2…Free
The “Scary Go Round” Sadie and Aunt “Mani”
A Family’s Decision to Adopt, Part 2
Guest Blogger: Jo Franklin
Why did we make the decision to adopt? It boils down to the belief I have that God is the Creator of the family. He designed our family to look the way it does and He put me and Tim together for a specific purpose. He blessed us with two wonderful boys and has a purpose for both of them. Now, we believe He is calling us to travel to the other side of the world in search of a daughter He has designed for our family. God calls believers to take care of orphans and widows in James 1:27. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” Tim and I both feel strongly that God is calling us to open our hearts and home to a child who has no family. He has given us a love for a baby whose skin will look different than ours. We know our daughter will be a blessing to our family as we hope to bless her, and we long for the day she is with us.
The Adoption Process:
For us, the process started in May when we mailed in our application to the adoption agency we chose, America World. For the next three months, we met with our social worker three times to complete our home study. We also worked on gathering all of the important documents we needed to complete our dossier, a packet of papers to be sent to the Ethiopian government. After a few more months of waiting for all of the paperwork to be complete and notarized, we sent in our dossier to our agency. Now we will wait possibly 9 to 11 months to receive a referral. The referral will include a picture of a child along with some information about the child that has been matched with our family. After accepting the referral, we will have a court date in Ethiopia; however, we do not have to be present for that court date. If we pass court, we will plan to travel about a month later to Africa to meet our daughter and bring her home.
Somewhere across the world in the country of Ethiopia, a little girl will be born or has been born, and through God’s grace and providence she will make it into our arms someday soon. I know the road ahead is long and will not be easy. But I also know God will lead us and provide everything we need to bring our daughter home.
A fundraiser is being held to help the Franklin Family with the cost of the adoption. Go to our Store page for more information on how the proceeds of your stationary purchase will help.
Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.
A Family’s Decision to Adopt, Part 1
Guest Blogger: Jo Franklin
Tim and I have been interested in adoption for a long time. I think we both have always been open to the idea, and it has come up in our conversations many times throughout our marriage. Looking back now, I believe God planted the seeds of adoption and cultivated the soil of our hearts so that we would be ready to answer His call at the right time.
Long before our sons were born, Tim and I had talked about the possibility of adopting one day. A year or so after our second son was born, we started talking about what was next for our family. We both felt our growing brood was not complete. Our hearts longed for another child, but we sensed this child would be brought to us in a different manner than the way Wesley and Graham arrived in our arms.
Tim was the first to conclude that God was leading us to adopt. He told me his thoughts. I wasn’t so sure; I needed more time. So this past January I got serious about praying about adoption. God wasted no time. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Everywhere I went I would be reminded of adoption. I was thinking about it constantly.
In February, we heard about an adoption conference to be held the following week at a local church, and we scrambled to make arrangements to go. The conference laid out all of the risks and scary things about adoption. No sugar coating anything. At the end of the day, a panel was brought together to give us different perspectives on adoption. As I sat there listening to their amazing stories, I noticed Tim wiping tears from his eyes. A lump emerged in my throat, and I knew the answer to the questions I had been asking God. Adoption was to be part of our story.
A fundraiser is being held to help the Franklin Family with the cost of the adoption. Go to our Store page for more information on how the proceeds of your stationary purchase will help.
Ethiopian Orphans from Simon Scionka on Vimeo.
Music Monday: Matilda the Gorilla
As a Camp Fire girl growing up in Sacramento, CA, I went to camp…a lot. I LOVED it! Day camp, resident camp, it didn’t matter. I started as a camper, grew into an Aide and finally a Counselor at both Camp Mokitana in Sacramento and Camp Minaluta in Nevada City, CA. Those were some of the best days of my young life and I’m happy to share a part of them with you. Enjoy!
What are three strengths of your marriage? (Week 3)
Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change, and when we are right, make us easy to live with. –Peter Marshall, former U.S. Senate Chaplain
What are three strengths of your marriage? What’s one area where you would like to see growth?
In Psalm 90:12, the Bible invites us to “number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” The idea of “numbering our days” has nothing to do with counting or math. Rather, it means to evaluate or to consider. When was the last time that, as a couple, you intentionally evaluated the state of your marriage?
I don’t mean, when did you last get into a fight? Or when was the last time that one of you complained about something that you didn’t like? Rather, do you have a regular time of proactively and intentionally checking in on how your marriage is doing?
An intentional evaluation of your marriage can provide an opportunity for a couple of things to happen. First, there’s a chance to celebrate together. Every marriage has some “sweet spots”—those places where life together is good and relatively easy. Those places need to be remembered and celebrated. New opportunities for growth in your marriage are often connected to your strengths.
Second, an intentional evaluation provides a place to honestly discuss areas where growth is needed. Every marriage also has some “hot spots” —those places where conflict most frequently occurs or where a marriage gets stuck. Having open and candid dialogue about places where growth and change is desired needs to happen intentionally and not just in the midst of a conflict. Change in our marriages can only begin when we talk about our dissatisfaction and desires.
Spend some time this week “numbering your days.” Evaluate your marriage honestly and openly. Share your personal perspective—you both don’t have to agree (matter of fact, you probably won’t!). Listen and consider the area of growth that your spouse desires to see in your relationship. Don’t try to solve it all this week – you can’t. But you can start a journey of celebrating strengths and brainstorming some steps to take in the areas where growth is desired.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Start a New Halloween Tradition
Guest Blogger: Stu Gray (aka The Marry Blogger)
We have a tradition that we have kept since our first year together as a couple.
We dress up together on Halloween.
Growing up, my beautiful wife™ always had a great time celebrating Halloween because her birthday is November 1st.
Before we were married we were a little more ‘wild’ with our choices – like when both of us dressed in bathrobes – me with lipstick kiss marks all over my face, and her with a fake cigarette. But now we have a 4 year old, so the ‘racy’ stuff has given way to more ‘family friendly’ attire!
The first couple years of his life, we made the decisions for the family costumes – Woody, Jessie and Buzz; Mickey, Minnie and Goofy…But this year, it looks like mom and dad won’t be making the decisions for the family costumes any more!!
He wants to be Batman – I have to admit, I was really excited – because that meant I could be Joker and Mom could be Catwoman. Nice!
But…No. He wants me to be Batman too – and Mom to be Batgirl!
As I think about it – its really cool that he wants me to dress up just like him. (I have to remember that there WILL come a time in his teen years when he won’t want to have ANYTHING to do with me!)
But… If you make a fun evening out of Halloween – or if you just like to add that costume element into your marriage – I found a great list of couples costumes that you can try out – and maybe it can spark some ideas for you.
It’s the Great Pumpkin (Bread), Charlie Brown!
“Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He’s gotta pick this one. He’s got to. I don’t see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there’s not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.” ~ Linus
Here’s a fantastic pumpkin bread recipe. In fact, I just baked it yesterday!
| Dry Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 t baking soda 1/4 t baking powder 3/4 t salt 1/2 t ground cloves 1/2 t ground nutmeg 1/2 t cinnamon 1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour |
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| Wet Ingredients: 2 eggs 1/2 cup vegetable oil 1 cup canned pumpkin 1/2 cup water 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional) 1/2 cup chopped dates (optional) |
Instructions:
In one bowl, mix together all dry ingredients. In another bowl, beat all wet ingredients; beat in dry ingredients. Add nuts and dates at the end, if so inclined. Pour into a greased and floured 9×5-inch loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours or until tests done.
I heard that canned pumpkin is going to be hard to find this season. I found 15 oz cans at Aldi’s in Franklin for 79 cents/can. Stock up and enjoy!
Hand Sanitizer & Safety
Between the H1N1 epidemic and flu season, it’s more important than ever to practice good cleanliness habits. The #1 thing doctors will tell you is to WASH YOUR HANDS often. But did you know, researchers who discretely observed men and women in public restrooms found that only 77% washed their hands with soap and water? According to the American Society for Microbiology (via WebMD), the percentage of men observed washing their hands fell from 75% in 2005 to 66% in 2007. In contrast, hygiene habits basically stalled among women: 90% washed up in 2005, compared with 88% in 2007.
I’m constantly washing my hands and reminding my daughter to wash hers. My husband? Not so much. He’s one of the 66% who doesn’t wash. Ugh. Gross. But for some reason, he will use sanitizer. So when our first daughter was born, I put bottles all over the house. 3 1/2 years later, they’re still in every room because that’s the only way I can ensure that my husband will keep clean hands (especially when dealing with the kids and food prep). Problem solved. Crisis averted…or is it?
A word of caution. Because sanitizer is made to kill germs and bacteria, it’s got a high alcohol content and is poisonous when swallowed. And with all the scented sanitizers out now, kids are curious about the taste (if it smells like watermelon candy, surly it’s yummy to eat!). Stories of “drunk” children being rushed to the ER have been circulated virally about this issue through email and they have checked out as accurate according to www.snopes.com.
Hand sanitizers are extremely beneficial, especially now. And I’m a big proponent; like I said, we have a bottle in every room in our house. But be careful when letting your kids use it. Keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t lick their hands after using it. It’s no less dangerous than letting your toddler play under the sink where you keep all the cleaning detergeants.
Music Monday: Six Little Ducks
When I was a camp counselor we sang this and other songs for the kids (oh, it was so much fun!). This is a new series of “Music Monday” podcasts where I’ll share some of these with you. Six Little Ducks is one of my favorite songs to sing with my children. I hope you enjoy singing it with your kids too!
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