What things scare you? (Week 8)
Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith and your fears will. – Max Lucado, Fearless
What things scare you? When you look ahead to the next few months, what things are you afraid of or concerned about?
I spent a few minutes this week on the internet looking up different kinds of phobias. According to one website, there are over 530 different phobias! Here are some of the common ones:
- Arachnophobia – fear of spiders
- Claustrophobia – fear of being trapped in small spaces
- Acrophobia – fear of heights
- Atychiphobia – fear of failure
A found a few fun ones too:
- Ephebiphobia – Fear of teenagers
- Dentophobia – fear of dentists
- Elurophobia – fear of cats (If you were in church last weekend, you know Lloyd must have this one!)
- Phobophobia – Fear of phobias
We may or may not identify with any of these phobias, but for all of us, fear is a real part of life. When we embrace fear in a healthy way, it becomes a warning light that tells us we need to trust God’s goodness and faithfulness in the midst of a specific situation. When we ignore our fear, it can paralyze us or lead us toward destructive behavior.
Fear is a topic that the Bible is quick to address and does so frequently. As you may know, the command “fear not” is the most common command in the Bible. Many times that command is linked with a phrase like “for I am with you.” In other words, along with the command to “not fear,” God offers us the promise and comfort of His presence with us in every situation that we face or fear.
As you answer this week’s question, spend time together reading out loud the following passages: Isaiah 43:1-2, Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 31:8, Joshua 1:9, 1 Peter 5:7. Let God’s Word guide you in a time of prayer to surrender your fears to Him and to celebrate the truth that His presence is with you in every situation.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Give Thanks in all Circumstances
This will probably be my only post this week ~ between my “day job,”my new business and the holidays, this week is pretty packed. But I’ll do my best to stay in touch!
As we near Thanksgiving, we all begin thinking about what we are thankful for…our family, our friends, our jobs, our warm homes filled with love… But what about the other things that have happened this year that weren’t so warm and fuzzy? Have you ever stopped to think about 2009’s trials and tribulations and give thanks for those?
C.S. Lewis said, “We ought to give thanks for all fortune; if it is “good” because it is good, if “bad” because it works in us patience, humility, and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.”
I had a ROUGH year this year. I was laid off from my job in January (3 months after giving birth to my second child) and fell into a deep depression. My marriage struggled (and that’s an understatement), my children suffered, and I finally sought both marriage counseling and psychiatric help. Nothing really worked.
So finally, I turned to God for help. The passage we discussed at the first church service I attended was this: “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess 5:16-18) It was like the pastor was speaking directly to me; that God was telling me to have faith. And so I did.
I rallied. We put our kids back in daycare so I could focus on finding a job. I learned new things and “marketed” myself to potential employers with intensity. “Let’s not get tired of doing what is good, for at the right time we will reap a harvest – if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9) And in God’s faithfulness, I landed a job in a month’s time.
If it weren’t for 6 months of complete hell, I wouldn’t have found my way back to God. And so I am THANKFUL for God’s faithfulness and love, even when I wasn’t faithful or obedient. I wasn’t sure I would get out alive; and now here I am, much happier than I was at this time last year. Because now I understand that when God takes something from your grasp, He is not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
And yet, I have some “warm and fuzzy” things to be thankful for too:
- A stronger, happier marriage (see “A Total Money Makeover Saved My Marriage”)
- Two beautiful daughters, growing strong in God’s grace
- A new personal goal to be generous with my time, talent and treasure
- A new business (I’m a “mompreneur”!) which will help me attain my goal ~ 10% of all sales will go to different charities throughout the year (November = Operation Shower)
But most of all, I am thankful for the struggle I endured during the first 6-7 months of 2009. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
May God bless you this holiday season!
What physical characteristic of your spouse do you most enjoy? (Week 7)
Pretty is something you’re born with. But beautiful, that’s an equal opportunity adjective. – Anonymous
What physical characteristic of your spouse do you most enjoy?
My dad loved my mom’s hands.
I can remember as a teenage boy often hearing my dad say to my mother how much he liked her hands. He described them as “petite, beautiful and perfect”. I would think to myself, “They’re just hands. What’s the big deal. One day, I’ll find something better than hands to like about my wife!”
Years later, when my mom died, I walked into the kitchen one day where dad was washing dishes at the sink. As I got closer to him I saw tears running down his cheeks and I asked him what was going on. I’ll never forget his reply, “Every time that I see soap bubbles in a sink, I can see your mom’s hands washing so many dishes through the years. I miss her. I miss her hands that served and loved us so well.”
It’s good and it is right for us to enjoy the physical attributes of our spouse. Even a quick reading through the Song of Solomon allows us to see how this couple delighted in each other’s bodies (wives read Song of Solomon 5:10-16 and husbands read Song of Solomon 7:1-9). And yet, the essence of lasting love is not just in the physical – it’s a deeper and more intimate connection that sees and knows each other deeply … intimately … passionately … tenderly. An intimate marriage celebrates and enjoys the inside of our spouse even more than the outside.
In the course of my parents’ marriage, my dad came to understand that the physical should point to something of even greater significance – the character of his wife. For dad, mom’s hands represented her gentle touch, her acts of service and her compassionate heart.
As you think about and enjoy physical characteristics of your spouse this week, remember that time has a way of changing and reshaping and even wrinkling the physical. But when we see the physical as an expression of the internal, our appreciation of beauty in our spouse grows through the years.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Nominate Your Favorite Marriage Blog for a Top 10 Marriage Blog List!
My friend Stu at The Marry Blogger is composing a list of the Top 10 Marriage Blogs and we need your help!
How to Nominate your Favorite Marriage Blog:
1. Click here to post your nomination
2. One vote per person…if you have more than one, only the first will be counted
3. Include the URL of the blog
4. Give a reason for your choice
5. Pass the word on to other Marriage Blog Readers/bloggers so they can vote too; you can contact your friends via twitter, facebook, your blog, carrier pigeon, etc. (here is a link to use: http://j.mp/top10marriage)
6. Your nomination must be received by December 2, 2009
Thanks for your help! I’m looking forward to seeing the list and adding more feeds of the best marriage blogs to my Google Reader. Remember, you have to click over to The Marry Blogger to post your nomination. Thanks!
Creating Goals to Obtain my Vision
Dave Ramsey writes: “Goals are the building blocks of vision, vision in work clothes.”
Here are my goals, in order of what must happen first:
- We must be debt-free, with the exception of our mortgage (debt snowball must be complete).
- We have to finish our emergency fund (6 months expenses).
- We have to begin saving for retirement (15% gross income).
- We have to begin saving for our daughters’ college education (this is the MOST important step for me).
- We have to save enough money for a down payment on the shop (house in Franklin), renovations on the house, equipment and inventory. I can only imagine this will be a minimum of $100k.
As you can tell, I’m pretty far away from my vision right now. If we continue to pay roughly the same amount down on our debt every month, it will take us 2 years. We can accelerate that greatly by selling our Durango and picking up odd jobs for extra money (which we’re already doing). Examples of odd jobs range from marketing contract work to landscaping projects.
I also recently developed a product, my Clean Hands sign, that I’m hoping will be a catalyst for reaching my goals – and vision – a little quicker. In adherence to my values (being generous with my time, talent and treasure), I’m pledging to donate 10% of all sales to a charity, which will change periodically. In November and December, I’m donating to Operation Shower.
If you like my vision and want to help me reach my goals, there are a few things you can do to help:
- Forward the link to my blog to your friends.
- Buy a sign for a new mom or mom-to-be.
- If you know of anyone looking to make a vehicle purchase, send them the link to our Craig’s List ad.
- If you live in Middle TN and are looking for someone to do some work around your house (my husband is pretty darn handy), or your company needs some marketing assistance (on a contract/outsource basis), give us a shout!
We’re seeking out every opportunity to reach our goals and obtain our vision. Do you have a vision? What are your goals? I encourage you to write them down and begin working towards them.
My Vision for the Future
Right now, I’m reading “More Than Enough” by Dave Ramsey. I just finished chapter 3 on Vision and I’m going to pause (before the next chapter) and do what he suggests: write down my vision. And I’m going to share it with you.
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
(Proverbs 29:18)
I’ve always wanted to be an entrepreneur, to own my own business, be my own boss. But I never knew what type of business until now. In this first post, I’m going to share my vision. In the next couple of days, I’ll share with you the goals I need to accomplish first to reach my vision.
Dave Ramsey writes: “Vision that is rooted in values is the only vision that will last.”
It’s only recently that I realized the pure joy in being generous with my time, talent and treasure. And there lies the value system in which I’m basing my vision on. Right now, we’re focusing on getting out of debt, so we’re not able to be as generous financially as I’d like. But we give when we can and instead I focus my energy on being generous with the other two and am looking forward to the day when my family can regularly be generous in every way.
Here it is, in black and white. There’s no turning back now!
I want to start a gift shop. But not just any gift shop. I want to purchase a quaint old home near the square in downtown Franklin. Yes, there will be a room or two full of cute, handmade gifts to purchase (preferably by local artisans including myself ~ and let me state for the record I use the term “artisan” loosely when referring to myself). I also want to host a custom embroidery business within the shop. This is how I’ll finance what I REALLY want to do…
I will have one room set up like a comfy living space, with big overstuffed couches and chairs, books and magazines to read, and coffee and fresh baked goodies. This will be a gathering place for women to get together for fellowship with one another. I would love to offer Faithful Provisions classes and Financial Peace University(among others), and will open the space to any group that wants to meet or gather informally. I want the room next door to be a playroom, for my kids and others who stop in. And I will have free “childcare” available during classes so parents don’t have to struggle to attend a function that will improve their family life.
I want to be a financial counselor and work with local couples (and singles) to obtain the same financial peace that my family will have been blessed with. My hope is to make this my ministry to the Franklin community.
Finally, I want this to be a family business, and I want a nice kitchen in the back so that on “late” nights, I can cook dinner at the shop and when we close, my family can still sit down to a nice meal together. This will also be where all the fresh baked goodies come from. 
So there you have it. I have a vision for how I can be an intentional wife, mom and member of the Middle Tennessee community by being generous with my time, talent and treasure. But there are MANY smaller goals that I have to reach before this vision becomes reality.
What would a great date night look like? (Week 6)
A successful marriage is one in which you fall in love many times, always with the same person. – D. W. McLaughlin, as quoted in Practical Proverbs and Wacky Wit
What would a great date night look like? Be very specific with your answer: from how it begins, to where you would go and what you would do, to how it ends!
Spend some time dreaming and planning what a great date night with your spouse might look like. Be creative. Be honest. And beware: There’s a good chance the two answers will be very different! And that’s okay – it’s the way it usually is. After all, men and women really are different.
After you’ve spent some time sharing your answers with each other, grab your calendars and put two date nights (one for each of your dream dates!) on the calendar for sometime in the near future.
There’s not a lot that needs to be said about this question! Just have fun with your answers!
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Be My Fan!
So I FINALLY got my Facebook Fan Page up and I hope you’ll check it out and be my fan.
My FB page is dedicated to my “Clean Hand” crusade to keep our families healthy during this cold and flu season. And if you haven’t seen our “Clean Hand” signs, be sure to check those out. 10% of all sales in November and December will be donated to Operation Shower.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Franklin-TN/My-Hands-Are-Clean-Are-Yours/322428850149
How Desperate Are You to Get Out of Debt?
We’re pretty desperate. Or “gazelle-intense” as Dave Ramsey would say. One of the biggest areas of debt is our vehicles. We were spending $1052 every month on car payments – not including insurance or gas! We bought into the belief that we’d always have 2 car payments, that it was “normal” to ALWAYS have a car payment. Well, if this is normal, we want to be weird!
We’re selling our Durango and have borrowed my Dad’s 1994 Mercury Grand Marquis. The Mercury is the kind of car that needs a name, so we now have “Ben Matlock” in our driveway and the 2005 Dodge Durango SLT is parked on the curb with “For Sale” painted on the windows. Selling the Durango will allow us to knock out our largest credit card bill. That’s going to be a great feeling!
Are you interested in buying our Durango? It only has 50,000 miles on it and is looking for a good home! Call Drew at (615) 428-8250 for a test drive. Click here to see the Craig’s List Ad >>
A Total Money Makeover Saved My Marriage
Is “budget” a four-letter-word in your house? Money management ~ or should I say, agreeing on how the family income should be spent ~ plays a significant role in a happy and healthy marriage. Really? Yes, and here’s why…
I was laid off from my job back in January and it took me 7 full months to find another job. We realized, during that time, that we could not live off of one income. We had too much house, too much car and TOO MUCH DEBT. Our marriage was hanging on by a thread and not even marriage counseling helped.
Enter Dave Ramsey and his book, Total Money Makeover. After I got a job, we began to put the principles into action. Now, we spend every penny on paper on purpose before the month begins. We agree on our budget and do our best to stick to it (we’re not perfect, but we try!). The simple act of working together toward the common goal of getting out of debt brought us back from the brink.
There are 7 “Baby Steps” to financial freedom. Follow our family as we walk (and somtimes stumble) through our plan to be debt free. You can keep up with us on the Finances page of our website.
Fantastic related guest blog post from @EnemyofDebt on@EngagedMarriage blog: Marriage And Money: How To Improve Communication And Minimize Money Fights
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