LOVEveryday: Free eBook
It’s National Marriage Week AND Valentines Day is this week AND now here’s a fantastic new FREE eBook to download and read with your spouse! Does it get any better than this?
The eBook is called Love Everyday – Thoughts on Loving Amidst the Chaos of Life. I’m especially excited to share it with you because a few of my friends are co-authors:
Stu Gray – The Marry Blogger
Dustin Riechmann – Engaged Marriage
Brad Chaffee – Enemy of Debt & Logos4You.net
Happy reading! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
WOMAN: A Suitable Helper for MAN
In the Creation story in Genesis, God creates woman to be a “suitable helper” for man. Many believe this verse belittles women. In fact, there are a number of verses throughout the Bible that the world views as demeaning to women. And to be honest, I was among that crowd. I’m no feminist, but when I was deciding what I wanted the pastor to say during my wedding, I deliberately left those traditional verses out of the ceremony. I wish I knew then what I know now…
I love my church because, instead of preaching a lot of theory and theology, we spend our time studying in depth the Word of God. We’ve spent 15 weeks so far studying Genesis – and we haven’t even finished Chapter 2! One of our pastors, Michael Easley, always says “Don’t let the world teach you theology.” I think, that when it comes to the view of women in the Bible, too many let the world teach them theology.
God creates Woman to be a suitable helper for Man. We forget that Jesus Christ was sent here to help us. Being a “helper” is not second class or demeaning. Jesus washed his disciples’ feet. Jesus was a servant to His disciples. We should all (men and women) view being a helper as a place of honor in our families and our communities.
During last week’s sermon, Michael Easley quoted some scholar from the 5th century (I couldn’t catch his name). What he said was so beautiful I just had to share it:
“Let us remember God did not take the woman from the man’s feet, that he should dominate her or trample her. Nor did he take her from his head, that she should dominate him. But from his side to be his companion. From beneath his arm to receive his protection. And from near his heart to have his love and affection.”
I am honored to by my husband’s helper. What about you?
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? (Week 15)
What you say to your partner and how you say it, is the single most important influence on your relationship. Your love life will sink or swim according to how well you communicate. – Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, in Love Talk
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? What words do you enjoy hearing from your spouse?
Several thousand years ago, the world’s wisest man wrote these words, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21). The third chapter of the book of James speaks about the damage that our words can do. As we get older, we realize that the nursery rhyme was wrong, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Especially in our marriages, most of us would prefer sticks and stones over harmful words!
Words can hurt. But words can also heal.
There’s a lot of hope and healing in the following words:
When we started the 50 Fridays Challenge, we committed to intentionally growing intimacy in our marriages. One way to do that well is to let your words be life-giving to your spouse. How often are you speaking words that encourage and build up your spouse? Are you intentional in growing a vocabulary that communicates love and respect? As you’re thinking about this, let Ephesians 4:15 be your guide and “speak the truth in love” to your spouse.
Evaluate Your Physical Intimacy (Week 14)
It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear.
It’s not the way you do your hair,
But it’s you I like.
The way you are right now
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you
Not your diplomas…
They’re just beside you.
But it’s you I like,
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue,
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself, it’s you
It’s you I like!
- Mr. Rogers
Evaluate your physical intimacy. Where are you satisfied? Where would you like to see change?
When you saw this week’s question, what came to your mind? For many men, the first thought was “Finally! A question about sex!” But today’s question is broader than just the topic of sex. The question today invites each couple to talk about physical intimacy (don’t worry men, there will be some specific questions about sexual intimacy soon).
Physical intimacy certainly includes sexual intimacy, but it includes so much more – hand holding, hugs, sitting close to each other on the couch, foot rubs, massages, tender kisses, cuddling and so much more. It’s the things that most of us did naturally when we were dating. And yet over time, it’s easy to stop doing those things and then we miss out on some special and tender moments together. Often it’s these simple things that communicate not only our love for our spouse, but also how much we like and enjoy being with our spouse.
There’s a great benefit in evaluating your physical intimacy. There’s even a greater benefit in enjoying it together. Look for some specific ways this week that you can grow in this important area of marital intimacy.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What’s a story from your marriage that you love to tell or hear? (Week 13)
Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all. – Hans Christian Andersen
What’s a story from your marriage that you love to tell or hear? What makes that story so special?
My brother-in-law, Brian, is a great story teller. I’m writing this on night after a feast with their family and ours at his house in Batavia, Illinois. Brian had everyone laughing at his stories about his cars through the years: a car that he caught on fire, a car that lost a wheel going down the road, and a convertible that was crushed by a giant pumpkin! I’ve heard some of his stories a dozen times, and yet I never tire of hearing them.
There were 12 of us gathered around the dining room table and after our meal, we spent an hour or so sharing stories from this past year. So many great stories: a fund started by my nephew to help a family in Kenya, a special father-son trip, the joy of a grandfather’s recovery from a stroke this past year, a testimony of a college freshman and God’s faithfulness to him in a year of transition, a special time with family celebrating 50 years of marriage for my in-laws.
So many sweet stories. Stories that lead to worship. Stories that have an aroma of eternity. There’s nothing like a good story. They make us laugh and remember and delight.
All of our marriages can use more of that. So this weekend, take time to tell some stories. They may be about vacations, holidays, car challenges, the birth of children, moments of loss, a time of redemption, surprise parties, or special gifts. Whatever the stories, they are a great way for us to connect and enjoy the days we’ve shared and to anticipate the making of more stories in the days ahead.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Where do you see God’s faithfulness and mercy in your life and marriage? (Week 12)
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice. – Meister Eckhart, 14th century German theologian
Where do you see God’s faithfulness and mercy in your life and marriage? What things are you thankful for?
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)
Every [new year], I find myself reflecting on the words of the old hymn, “Great is Thy Faithfulness”, that was inspired by the passage above. If you don’t know the words, you will find them at the bottom of this challenge. [A new year] provides a natural opportunity for us to pause and to remember God’s steadfast love, unceasing mercies, and great faithfulness. As we consider His great faithfulness, we naturally respond with gratitude, praise and thanksgiving.
Or do we?
Grab your Bible and turn to Luke 17:11-19 and read the story of Jesus healing the ten lepers. In our busy lives, it’s easy to be like “the nine” who enjoy God’s blessing of healing, but don’t stop to say “thank you”. It’s equally easy to do that with our spouses. We enjoy so much of what we get, yet at times we don’t stop to simply say thanks.
Take advantage of this [new year] to be intentional in expressing your gratitude to your spouse, to those you love and to the One who loved you so much that He chose to die rather than live without you.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not; As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
What were some of the highlights in your marriage in 2009? (Week 11)
The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. – Robert C. Dodds
What were some of the highlights in your marriage in 2009? What New Year’s Resolution would be beneficial for your marriage?
Happy New Year!
Two challenges for you today . . .
First one: Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a number of ESPN “Best of 2009″ lists. I love looking back at the best catches of the year or the best come from behind victories. Highlight videos are always a blast to watch.
In a similar fashion, it’s a good exercise to develop your own “Best of 2009″ marriage highlights. To help you with your highlights, think of these areas:
• Vacation
• Spiritual growth
• Transitions (moves, job, graduation, etc.)
• Communication and conflict resolution
• Hobbies
• Financial or budget related
• Date nights
• Time with friends
• Serving others
As you look back together, spend some time giving God thanks for His goodness, provision and faithfulness in 2009.
Second one: For many of us January 1 means it’s time for New Year’s resolutions. If that’s one of your traditions, be sure to spend some time setting some goals and resolutions for your marriage. Use the highlights list above to help you set a goal (or two) for your marriage for this new year.
After you set your New Year’s Resolution(s), spend some time praying together – asking God to grant you wisdom, courage and strength as you enter 2010.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What would be your dream vacation? (Week 10)
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. – C.S. Lewis
What would be your dream vacation? (Don’t worry about the cost or any logistics … remember, it’s a dream vacation!)
One of my children, Jacob, recently had a school project that required planning a vacation out of the country and he chose Madrid, Spain as his destination. For the project, he had to create a PowerPoint presentation that included how he would get there, where he would stay, the restaurants he would eat in, and the attractions that he would visit. As I was watching him practice his presentation on the night before he turned it in, I found myself wanting to go to Spain! Later that night I started looking at other places on the web that I would like to visit. With the help of Google Earth I visited the Eiffel Tower, Buckingham Palace and the Opera House in Sydney, Australia. I had a blast.
The reality is that most of the time I’m pretty practical about where I’d like to go or what I’d like to do. I rarely take the time to dream big. Not just about vacation locations, but about a lot of things in life. It’s easy to become very practical and responsible. But there’s a place for dreaming, especially in our marriages. Sometimes the dreaming can be just for fun (like today’s question). Sometimes the dreaming can help us prepare for the future (financial savings, house changes, serving opportunities, etc.). Sometimes the dreaming allows us to envision what our marriages can become and where we can grow together.
As we dream, we arouse hope. When hope is awakened, it provides the opportunity for us to trust, not merely in our dreams, but to trust that God’s plan for our lives and marriage is better than anything that we can ask, think or even dream. In Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the Bible, he writes: “God can do anything you know-far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” (Ephesians 3:21, The Message).
So as you dream together this week, be reminded that God is at work to see His good purposes accomplished. Dream and allow hope to rise. As that happens, watch as God accomplishes His good and perfect plan in your life.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
Today is Me & Drew’s 4th Anniversary!
Drew,
Thanks for your love and support during this tough year, and for being a part of this new adventure
(My Doodle Bop &
My Hands Are Clean). Love you, baby!
What was your greatest excitement this past week? What was your greatest challenge? (Week 9)
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. – Old Swedish Proverb
What was your greatest excitement this past week? What was your greatest challenge?
It’s amazing how quickly a week goes by! And it’s only going to go faster this time of the year with Thanksgiving coming and then Christmas. In the midst of busy and hectic seasons, it’s easy to be focused on managing the calendar. In doing so, if we’re not intentional, we will miss what’s going on with each other.
If you were to listen to the Helton family dinner table conversations, you would often hear Lora ask our children this question: So what was your high/low today? It’s a simple question that invites our kids to share the best of their day and the hardest part of their day. The answers are often quick and at times somewhat generic, but it provides a framework for deeper conversations at other times.
This week’s question is a “high/low” question. It gives an opportunity to make sure that we really are aware of what’s going on in each other’s life – even in the midst of crazy schedules! But knowing what’s going on in each other’s life isn’t enough. Let me encourage you to take it from knowing to caring.
There are many ways that we can show that we care. Sometimes it’s by acting on what we’ve heard. Sometimes just listening with compassion and empathy shows that we care. But all of the time, we can show our care by praying with each other. So often, it’s easy to pray for each other. But there’s something rich that happens when we pray with each other.
As you answer this week’s question, spend time together in prayer giving thanks for the excitements of this past week and asking God for direction and wisdom in the areas that are challenging.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
-
Subscribe
Join Me!
Grab My RSS
@MyDoodleBop Twitter Feed- Could not connect to Twitter