If you only had one day left on earth, what would you say to your spouse? (Week 19)
The weight of this time we must obey; speak what we feel, not what we ought to say. – From Shakespeare’s King Lear
If you only had one day left on earth, what would you say to your spouse?
Like many of you, I have been overwhelmed by the tragedy in Haiti. My heart has been broken as I’ve looked at pictures, read articles and watched video footage of the devastation that has occurred for tens of thousands of people. In the wake of the earthquake, so many lives have been lost and families are destroyed in a matter of moments.
The earthquake in Haiti is a powerful reminder of how fragile this life really is. Not just for those in Haiti, but for all of us. None of us are promised tomorrow. And yet …
…we often live as if life has no end.
…we are guilty of withholding love and words until a later time.
…we can justify holding on to hurts and grudges, instead of engaging in conversation.
…we live as if we have thousands of tomorrows remaining.
…we wait for those tomorrows and we miss so many todays.
I’m reminded of these lyrics from an old song, Love Me Now, by Brook Benton:
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
And if you have something
Good to tell me, tell me now
Darling, don’t wait til I’m gone
Then chisel it in marble
On an ice cold stone
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
Why put off for tomorrow
What we should do today
There may not be a tomorrow
Life is funny that way
So if you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
Cherish today. Keep short accounts. Speak words of love. Engage passionately.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What are some things that make you laugh out loud? (Week 18)
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. -Proverbs 17:22
What are some things that make you laugh out loud?
Laughter really is good medicine. Much research over the past few decades has shown that people with a sense of humor have fewer health problems and sickness than those who are humor-impaired. It’s really nothing new. Solomon taught this principle years ago in the Proverb above.
In our marriages, humor can bring a lot of value: it can help us connect, it can help us cope, it helps us love better, it can create memories, it can be a bridge to forgiveness. Learning to laugh together is a great practice to intentionally develop as you grow intimacy in your marriage.
Be on the lookout for things that make you laugh – movies, sit-coms, telling stories or jokes, certain friendships. Life is certainly serious and, at times, difficult. But there is “a time to laugh”, and when we do our marriages are richer for it.
Laughter, on a daily basis, is like taking a vitamin for your marriage.
- Les and Leslie Parrott, The Love List
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What would you like to do on Valentine’s Day? (Week 17)
If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. – Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
What would you like to do on Valentine’s Day?
When I was in elementary school one of the most stressful days of the year was Valentine’s Day. For several days leading up to February 14, all of us made our personalized mailbox – using materials like cereal boxes, oatmeal canister or a shoe box with tons of glitter, construction paper and paint.
Then the dreaded day came. I brought in my mailbox and waited to see if anyone would give me a Valentine’s card. I didn’t understand at the time that every child had to bring enough cards for everyone in the class! When the day was over and I realized that my mailbox was filled with Valentine’s cards, I couldn’t wait to get home and read all of them. Actually, I just looked through the cards and found the ones that had small candy bars taped to them!
Years have passed and my stress about Valentine’s Day is gone. Even though this day is just another “Hallmark Holiday” rooted in no meaningful history, I’ve learned to enjoy it. For all of our marriages, it’s good to have a day that encourages intentionality and creativity in expressing our love to each other.
It may come through flowers, cards, balloons, special dates, long walks, a romantic evening or even candy! You may go out to a fun restaurant, cook together at home, or order in. You may watch a movie or go to the symphony.
One important thing to do before Valentine’s Day is to ask today’s question of each other. It’s an easy way to make sure you know each other’s expectations and can help you really enjoy this day together. Actually, that’s a great way to live everyday of the year – not just on this Hallmark holiday.
So, in the middle of these cold, winter days, warm up your love life on this Valentine’s Day. Take some time to talk …make a fun plan … express your love creatively to your spouse … and enjoy the love of your life.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
LOVEveryday: Free eBook
It’s National Marriage Week AND Valentines Day is this week AND now here’s a fantastic new FREE eBook to download and read with your spouse! Does it get any better than this?
The eBook is called Love Everyday – Thoughts on Loving Amidst the Chaos of Life. I’m especially excited to share it with you because a few of my friends are co-authors:
Stu Gray – The Marry Blogger
Dustin Riechmann – Engaged Marriage
Brad Chaffee – Enemy of Debt & Logos4You.net
Happy reading! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? (Week 15)
What you say to your partner and how you say it, is the single most important influence on your relationship. Your love life will sink or swim according to how well you communicate. – Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, in Love Talk
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? What words do you enjoy hearing from your spouse?
Several thousand years ago, the world’s wisest man wrote these words, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21). The third chapter of the book of James speaks about the damage that our words can do. As we get older, we realize that the nursery rhyme was wrong, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Especially in our marriages, most of us would prefer sticks and stones over harmful words!
Words can hurt. But words can also heal.
There’s a lot of hope and healing in the following words:
When we started the 50 Fridays Challenge, we committed to intentionally growing intimacy in our marriages. One way to do that well is to let your words be life-giving to your spouse. How often are you speaking words that encourage and build up your spouse? Are you intentional in growing a vocabulary that communicates love and respect? As you’re thinking about this, let Ephesians 4:15 be your guide and “speak the truth in love” to your spouse.
Evaluate Your Physical Intimacy (Week 14)
It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear.
It’s not the way you do your hair,
But it’s you I like.
The way you are right now
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you
Not your diplomas…
They’re just beside you.
But it’s you I like,
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue,
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself, it’s you
It’s you I like!
- Mr. Rogers
Evaluate your physical intimacy. Where are you satisfied? Where would you like to see change?
When you saw this week’s question, what came to your mind? For many men, the first thought was “Finally! A question about sex!” But today’s question is broader than just the topic of sex. The question today invites each couple to talk about physical intimacy (don’t worry men, there will be some specific questions about sexual intimacy soon).
Physical intimacy certainly includes sexual intimacy, but it includes so much more – hand holding, hugs, sitting close to each other on the couch, foot rubs, massages, tender kisses, cuddling and so much more. It’s the things that most of us did naturally when we were dating. And yet over time, it’s easy to stop doing those things and then we miss out on some special and tender moments together. Often it’s these simple things that communicate not only our love for our spouse, but also how much we like and enjoy being with our spouse.
There’s a great benefit in evaluating your physical intimacy. There’s even a greater benefit in enjoying it together. Look for some specific ways this week that you can grow in this important area of marital intimacy.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
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