If you only had one day left on earth, what would you say to your spouse? (Week 19)
The weight of this time we must obey; speak what we feel, not what we ought to say. – From Shakespeare’s King Lear
If you only had one day left on earth, what would you say to your spouse?
Like many of you, I have been overwhelmed by the tragedy in Haiti. My heart has been broken as I’ve looked at pictures, read articles and watched video footage of the devastation that has occurred for tens of thousands of people. In the wake of the earthquake, so many lives have been lost and families are destroyed in a matter of moments.
The earthquake in Haiti is a powerful reminder of how fragile this life really is. Not just for those in Haiti, but for all of us. None of us are promised tomorrow. And yet …
…we often live as if life has no end.
…we are guilty of withholding love and words until a later time.
…we can justify holding on to hurts and grudges, instead of engaging in conversation.
…we live as if we have thousands of tomorrows remaining.
…we wait for those tomorrows and we miss so many todays.
I’m reminded of these lyrics from an old song, Love Me Now, by Brook Benton:
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
And if you have something
Good to tell me, tell me now
Darling, don’t wait til I’m gone
Then chisel it in marble
On an ice cold stone
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
Why put off for tomorrow
What we should do today
There may not be a tomorrow
Life is funny that way
So if you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
If you’re ever going to love me
Love me now
Cherish today. Keep short accounts. Speak words of love. Engage passionately.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What are some things that make you laugh out loud? (Week 18)
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. -Proverbs 17:22
What are some things that make you laugh out loud?
Laughter really is good medicine. Much research over the past few decades has shown that people with a sense of humor have fewer health problems and sickness than those who are humor-impaired. It’s really nothing new. Solomon taught this principle years ago in the Proverb above.
In our marriages, humor can bring a lot of value: it can help us connect, it can help us cope, it helps us love better, it can create memories, it can be a bridge to forgiveness. Learning to laugh together is a great practice to intentionally develop as you grow intimacy in your marriage.
Be on the lookout for things that make you laugh – movies, sit-coms, telling stories or jokes, certain friendships. Life is certainly serious and, at times, difficult. But there is “a time to laugh”, and when we do our marriages are richer for it.
Laughter, on a daily basis, is like taking a vitamin for your marriage.
- Les and Leslie Parrott, The Love List
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What would you like to do on Valentine’s Day? (Week 17)
If we are to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants. – Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
What would you like to do on Valentine’s Day?
When I was in elementary school one of the most stressful days of the year was Valentine’s Day. For several days leading up to February 14, all of us made our personalized mailbox – using materials like cereal boxes, oatmeal canister or a shoe box with tons of glitter, construction paper and paint.
Then the dreaded day came. I brought in my mailbox and waited to see if anyone would give me a Valentine’s card. I didn’t understand at the time that every child had to bring enough cards for everyone in the class! When the day was over and I realized that my mailbox was filled with Valentine’s cards, I couldn’t wait to get home and read all of them. Actually, I just looked through the cards and found the ones that had small candy bars taped to them!
Years have passed and my stress about Valentine’s Day is gone. Even though this day is just another “Hallmark Holiday” rooted in no meaningful history, I’ve learned to enjoy it. For all of our marriages, it’s good to have a day that encourages intentionality and creativity in expressing our love to each other.
It may come through flowers, cards, balloons, special dates, long walks, a romantic evening or even candy! You may go out to a fun restaurant, cook together at home, or order in. You may watch a movie or go to the symphony.
One important thing to do before Valentine’s Day is to ask today’s question of each other. It’s an easy way to make sure you know each other’s expectations and can help you really enjoy this day together. Actually, that’s a great way to live everyday of the year – not just on this Hallmark holiday.
So, in the middle of these cold, winter days, warm up your love life on this Valentine’s Day. Take some time to talk …make a fun plan … express your love creatively to your spouse … and enjoy the love of your life.
Jeff Helton
Marriage and Family Pastor
+ Fellowship Bible Church
+ 50 Fridays Challenge
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? (Week 15)
What you say to your partner and how you say it, is the single most important influence on your relationship. Your love life will sink or swim according to how well you communicate. – Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, in Love Talk
What are some ways that you verbalize your love to your spouse? What words do you enjoy hearing from your spouse?
Several thousand years ago, the world’s wisest man wrote these words, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21). The third chapter of the book of James speaks about the damage that our words can do. As we get older, we realize that the nursery rhyme was wrong, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Especially in our marriages, most of us would prefer sticks and stones over harmful words!
Words can hurt. But words can also heal.
There’s a lot of hope and healing in the following words:
When we started the 50 Fridays Challenge, we committed to intentionally growing intimacy in our marriages. One way to do that well is to let your words be life-giving to your spouse. How often are you speaking words that encourage and build up your spouse? Are you intentional in growing a vocabulary that communicates love and respect? As you’re thinking about this, let Ephesians 4:15 be your guide and “speak the truth in love” to your spouse.
Improve Yourself Challenge: Week 3 Update
GOALS
1. Lose the rest of my baby weight, about 20 lbs (note: my “baby” is now a toddler)
2. Make intentional steps to improve my marriage
3. Get 200 Facebook Fans on MY HANDS ARE CLEAN fan page (“Clean Hands, Healthy Baby!”)
WEIGHT
I’ve been sick for weeks and so I have not stuck to my diet or exercise plan. However, I’m finally starting to feel better so perhaps I can get back on track during Week 4.
MARRIAGE
Things are going very well in this department! Our weekly coffee/lunch dates have been wonderful and I’m really learning a lot from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
FACEBOOK ~ MY HANDS ARE CLEAN, ARE YOURS?
I’m excited to report that I have over 180 fans already, with a month to go! And it seems like every time someone “Suggests [my fan page] to Friends”, a couple of orders come through. So Facebook is definitely a good market for me. I am starting a CPC (cost per click) ad campaign on FB for the next 5 days as a test, so I’ll update you next week on the success of the campaign. Consequently, I’m going to increase my goal from 200 fans to 500 fans by the end of February. Won’t you be my fan, and suggest my page to your friends??? =)
Thanks for following my progress. How are you doing on your resolutions?
Doin’ It Right
One of my favorite social media experts, Chris Brogan, writes weekly about folks who are “doin’ it right”. I’m going to borrow that idea and spin it in a slightly different direction. Every week, I want to feature a member of the Middle TN community who is “doin’ it right” in marriage, family or finance.
Do you know someone who is “doin’ it right”? Send me an email with the story and a photo.
This is about you, Nashville! Let’s celebrate the amazing things our family, friends and neighbors are doin’ in marriage, family or finance.
Today is Me & Drew’s 4th Anniversary!
Drew,
Thanks for your love and support during this tough year, and for being a part of this new adventure
(My Doodle Bop &
My Hands Are Clean). Love you, baby!
Marriage, Family & Finance Blogs
WOW! There are some fantastic blogs out there! Check out my blog roll for some pretty awesome resources on marriage, family and finance. I’d like to thank Stu at The Marry Blogger for his list of marriage blogs (see his Top 10 List) and Top Mommy Blogs! for another great list of family/mommy blogs.
My personal top 2 faves in each category are:
Marriage: The Marry Blogger and Engaged Marriage
Family: Extraordinary Mommy and Vanderbilt Wife
Finance: Enemy of Debt and Faithful Provisions
Nominate Your Favorite Marriage Blog for a Top 10 Marriage Blog List!
My friend Stu at The Marry Blogger is composing a list of the Top 10 Marriage Blogs and we need your help!
How to Nominate your Favorite Marriage Blog:
1. Click here to post your nomination
2. One vote per person…if you have more than one, only the first will be counted
3. Include the URL of the blog
4. Give a reason for your choice
5. Pass the word on to other Marriage Blog Readers/bloggers so they can vote too; you can contact your friends via twitter, facebook, your blog, carrier pigeon, etc. (here is a link to use: http://j.mp/top10marriage)
6. Your nomination must be received by December 2, 2009
Thanks for your help! I’m looking forward to seeing the list and adding more feeds of the best marriage blogs to my Google Reader. Remember, you have to click over to The Marry Blogger to post your nomination. Thanks!
A Total Money Makeover Saved My Marriage
Is “budget” a four-letter-word in your house? Money management ~ or should I say, agreeing on how the family income should be spent ~ plays a significant role in a happy and healthy marriage. Really? Yes, and here’s why…
I was laid off from my job back in January and it took me 7 full months to find another job. We realized, during that time, that we could not live off of one income. We had too much house, too much car and TOO MUCH DEBT. Our marriage was hanging on by a thread and not even marriage counseling helped.
Enter Dave Ramsey and his book, Total Money Makeover. After I got a job, we began to put the principles into action. Now, we spend every penny on paper on purpose before the month begins. We agree on our budget and do our best to stick to it (we’re not perfect, but we try!). The simple act of working together toward the common goal of getting out of debt brought us back from the brink.
There are 7 “Baby Steps” to financial freedom. Follow our family as we walk (and somtimes stumble) through our plan to be debt free. You can keep up with us on the Finances page of our website.
Fantastic related guest blog post from @EnemyofDebt on@EngagedMarriage blog: Marriage And Money: How To Improve Communication And Minimize Money Fights
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